Capitalism and Parenthood Collide.
Capitalism is harming us in so many ways. I’ve heard from three parents in the same number of days that they feel like they are doing something wrong, or that something is wrong with their babies. In all three cases, these feelings were associated with what some of us doulas call the “week three phenomenon.” This is just one of many times when capitalism and parenthood collide.
The week three phenomenon is when families hit the third week (give or take) of postpartum and their babies are now awake and fussing more frequently, at around the same time that help from visitors and meal train deliveries are slowing down. And, if they have one, partners are often back to work at this point. Or the birthing person is.
So now we’ve got a new parent who is at home alone most of the day with a newborn who is needing more attention and soothing, or back to work before they’ve even recovered from birth or acclimated to life with a baby.
It is at this point when most of the “there must be something wrong with me/my baby” phone calls, emails, texts, and posts on social media begin to cross my radar. And of course those happen both before and long after week three as well. Regardless of the timing, my response is almost always the same:
“There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with your baby. And you aren’t doing anything wrong.”
What is wrong is that we live in a modern, capitalist culture that does not adequately support the postpartum time. In addition, we lack the larger, tight-knit circles of community that were historically part of everyday life. Think multi-generational households and small villages. This built-in community often resulted in 24 hour a day support for new families. This is a sharp contrast to modern American parents, who rarely even receive a few hours a week of help.
Instead, we live in a culture…
- that expects roughly 24% of birthing people to return to work by 2 weeks postpartum, and the majority of the rest by 12 weeks (for some perspective, we don’t even separate puppies from their mothers until 8 weeks.)
- that values productivity over rest. Even stay-at-home parents feel pressure to be productive and get things done.
- where many new parents are home alone all day with a newborn, feeling isolated.
- that expects parents to learn how to bodyfeed their babies by reading a book or taking a 3 hour class, instead of lifelong learning by watching others and having in-home, hands-on support for lactation.
- that turns every little thing into a clinical problem, requiring medicalized care. Yes, sometimes there really is something wrong and medical care is necessary. But most of the time, in-home support creates the conditions that allow a new parent and their baby to find their way with more confidence.
I wish I had a magic wand to fix our culture. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. Cultural change usually moves at glacial speed, and takes long-term, sustained advocacy from large numbers of dedicated people. At a minimum, we need to demand better perinatal care, paid parental leave, and insurance/Medicaid coverage for professional postpartum support.
In-home postpartum advocacy can look like rest, nourishment, tuning out the internal and external voices telling us to be productive, and asking for help.
Postpartum doulas are filling a gap where friends and family aren’t able to, and where clinical care isn’t necessary. If you need one, reach out. If you want to become one, go to the link in my bio for trainings. And I will continue to shout from the rooftops that there is nothing wrong with parents and babies; what is wrong is the culture.
