Newborn Sleep Tips for Doulas
A Sleep Coach’s Top 6 Tips for Better Newborn Sleep
Guest post by Liz Harden, MPH
Sleep education is nonexistent in our education system, despite us spending one third of our lives sleeping. Pediatricians receive just a couple hours of sleep education in medical school, at best.
The sad and unhealthy truth is that our hustle culture devalues sleep, and often just plain ignores it. I do think this is slowly starting to shift (at least at the cultural level). But given the void in training and knowledge about sleep, most professionals are ill equipped to advise new parents on matters of sleep. And this is a HUGE problem.
Ask any new parent (and I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here if you’re a doula) what their biggest challenge is in the early months with their baby, and most will respond with something along the lines of
“I’m so exhausted I can barely function” or “Will I ever sleep again?” or “I can’t get my baby to sleep and I’m losing my mind.”
Given this desperation, and lack of helpful sleep education coming from most pediatricians, parents who don’t have a postpartum doula or sleep doula, turn to the deep dark web for sleep advice. And there are some very loud voices out there with huge platforms and damaging misinformation.
Postpartum doulas are in an awesome position to share sleep education with new parents, helping them understand what’s typical in newborn and postpartum sleep, and how to optimize their rest during this intense period of life and growth. The sleep education and support you provide can be the difference between a parent who is wrought with exhaustion and frustration, to one who is resting well and confidently laying the foundation for a lifetime of healthy sleep for their child.
“Normal” newborn sleep
There are crucial differences between your sleep and how a newborn’s sleep is organized.
Understanding typical newborn sleep can do wonders, because what’s true and recommended is often counterintuitive to parental expectations, so you can save them a lot of painful trial and error (I mean, you’d keep a baby up longer to get them to fall asleep easier, right?! WRONG!).
Sleep pressure drives newborn sleep
First, newborn sleep is governed entirely by homeostatic pressure, or sleep pressure, which is just another way of saying cumulative sleepiness. Circadian rhythms don’t start developing until 6-8 weeks. In practice, this looks like a baby sleeping in one hour (or shorter) to 3-hour chunks throughout the 24-hour period. They wake up when sleep pressure has worn off or they are hungry, wet, or otherwise uncomfortable. There is no internal clock keeping them asleep at night.
So, if Baby is awake for an hour, every two hours, all night long, there is nothing wrong with this baby! They don’t have their days and nights confused. There is just no day or night to speak of! Newborns also get tired really quickly. They only need 30-60 minutes (maybe 90 minutes before bed) to build up enough sleep pressure to sleep again.
Newborns sleep A LOT, but the amount of time varies a lot from baby to baby, so please don’t get hung up on exact numbers, and urge your families to be similarly chill about those baby sleep charts. The key is avoiding overtiredness – not hitting a specific target number of hours in a day.
If you want more guidance on newborn sleep specifics, check out our free downloads, Stellar Beginnings: 10 Tips for Building a Healthy Sleep Foundation with Your Newborn and Baby Sleep Needs and Sample Schedules for 0 to 24 Months. But again, healthy sleep comes from following the recommended awake times and avoiding overtiredness, not from sleeping a specific number of hours per day.
Newborn sleep architecture
Newborn sleep is structured differently. Babies usually begin their sleep cycles in the newborn equivalent of REM, called active sleep, while adults start in lighter sleep and get to REM at the end of a cycle.
Newborns also sleep actively: they move their limbs in REM, while adults are basically paralyzed from the neck down (so we don’t accidentally whack someone in our dreams). Caregivers can be fooled by newborns when they vocalize, grunt, thrash, stretch, twitch, and even cry while they’re dreaming.
Take a few long, slow breaths, and then decide if your baby is in active sleep or actually awake. Going to a baby and feeding them or shushing them back to sleep could inadvertently wake them from their active sleep state and result in diminished sleep quality.
Sleep cycles are also shorter in newborns, just 30-60 minutes, compared to about 90 minutes for adults, and active sleep makes up more than 50% of their cycle. So consider this all together, and it’s clear that a newborn is going to interrupt parental sleep A LOT.
Finally, while newborns do experience something similar to our deep sleep, this “quiet sleep” stage is potentially dangerous for them if it goes on for too long. This is the bright side to your baby cycling back to active sleep or waking up to feed, again.
How to Improve Newborn Sleep without Sleep Training
Any website, book, or influencer who says that a newborn should be able to sleep 12 hours straight, throughout the night, by 12 weeks, is pushing strategies that go against human evolution.
The person on social media who posted (and boasted) their adorable baby sleeping through the night at 10 weeks is either 1) lying or 2) one of the VERY rare few. An infant sleeping through the night at this point is the exception, not the norm. I wholeheartedly advise against “sleep training” a newborn. Their nervous systems aren’t developed enough, they need to feel safe and secure above all else, and most babies aren’t capable of sleeping long stretches at night until around 5 to 6 months of age anyway.
Some babies might sleep long long stretches by 8 to 12 weeks, but those are the unicorn babies who would sleep well anyways. Sleep training is not for newborns!!!
But, there are fortunately safe, effective, tried and true ways to maximize both Baby and Parent sleep in the fourth trimester. The five tips below will help your families and their babies sleep better, while also respecting the needs of their tiny developing bodies.
Tip #1 – Avoid overtiredness
Getting the timing “right” for sleep can make all the difference in the world when it comes to how easily a baby settles into rest. This is the #1 place where I see new parents struggling and it’s a simple fix. And I’ve worked with countless families who saw a massive shift in how well their baby slept, and hence how well they slept, once they learned about awake windows and resolved overtiredness.
Logic tells us that the longer our baby stays awake, the more tired they’ll become, and the longer they’ll sleep. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Here’s what really happens: Baby becomes overtired when they’re awake longer than what they can comfortably tolerate. When they’re overtired, their stress response system kicks into gear, triggering the hormones cortisol and adrenaline to release. Cortisol helps regulate the sleep-wake cycle and adrenaline is a fight-or-flight agent – it’s like their body is trying to give them a second wind.
With adrenaline and cortisol elevated, it’s no wonder Baby won’t just settle down and go to sleep (and is probably screaming a lot). And unfortunately, once they do finally crash, their sleep period is likely to be shorter and more fitful. Ugh! It’s a mess and an easy cycle for parents to find themselves stuck in.
Notice I’m not talking about schedules here. Newborns don’t have schedules. Instead, urge parents to follow age appropriate awake windows and to avoid overtiredness as much as possible. This recommendation alone can be a life saver for families and the small but mighty difference between a sweet and peaceful postpartum period and one that’s overshadowed by constant screaming. Again, this is the #1 thing I see going wrong when it comes to newborn sleep. Here’s a free sleep chart that will help parents get the timing right so that their baby can be well-rested and easier to settle.
Tip #2 Morning and Bedtime Routines to Help Baby Feel Grounded
Babies thrive on routine and learn by repetition, so having bedtime/sleep routines and wake up routines help them to begin understanding what’s day, what’s night, and what to expect. And all of this helps them feel grounded and secure.
A bedtime routine cues to Baby that sleep is coming.The routine doesn’t need to be anything elaborate – just a couple of calming activities (e.g. feed, massage, snuggles, stories, lullabies, blessing/prayer/gratitude, night-night phrase, etc.) will do the trick. Bedtime routines work the best when they are calm and consistent, and include time for deep connection. You can read more about the 3 C’s of Bedtime here.
Ending the bedtime routine every night with the same “night-night phrase” can be another important cue to sleep. This cue is powerful because it is the very last step of the routine. The only thing left to do after the night-night phrase is sleep.
Once families have finished the bedtime routine and Baby has entered nighttime sleep, I recommend that parents respond to night wakings in a gentle, calm, and loving way, but that they also try their best to minimize the interaction. This will preserve the “nighttime mode” until the Daytime routine begins and help to establish days and nights faster.
Daytime routines are also important! Saying good morning to the sun when it’s time to start the day, and keeping the lights bright between the (short!) time between waking from night sleep and the first nap, will help to grow a strong internal clock for sleep. Also, Including your baby in the activities of the day and ensuring that they get fresh air and exposure to natural light will help them to begin sorting out their days and nights.
Tip #3 Help Baby Feel Safe and Secure
Children pick up on your stress, anxiety, and anger by way of mirror neurons in their brain. Newborns also rely on their parents’ for instruction on how to feel in any given moment – this is nervous system co-regulation. Their little nervous systems are underdeveloped so they need a calm parent to help them feel calm, safe, and secure.
Because of this co-regulation, when a caregiver reduces their own stress, this can be the most important factor in improving their child’s sleep. If Mom or Dad is feeling anxious or frustrated when trying to get Baby down for sleep (which is completely understandable and quite normal), taking a minute for mindful breathing or some other relaxation technique can make a huge difference. There are countless apps for meditation and mindfulness, but here are a couple of my own, free downloads, that you could share with your clients (Heart Focused Breathing & Quick Nervous System Reset). I’ve also created the Mindful Method for SleepTM , a visualization and breathing practice that parents can use to create internal calm, helping their newborn (or older baby or child) to feel safe and secure, and better equipped to settle for sleep.
Tip #4 – Create a “Baby Cave” for Deeper, Sounder, Sleep
The optimal and safest sleep environment is comfy, cool, dark, and quiet with continuous white noise – like a baby cave for your little cub.
Temperature
Keeping the room cool (between 68-72 degrees Fahrenheit) promotes better sleep and reduces Baby’s SIDS risk.
Darkness
The sleep environment should be very dark for nighttime and for naptime (unless Baby falls asleep on the go or in the middle of a brightly lit room, as they often will as newborns – in this case, let them snooze as they wish!). But exposure to light is the single greatest influence over our circadian rhythms, so the dark room at bedtime and in the night is extremely important since we want them to develop a healthy internal clock as soon as possible! For this reason, keeping the bedroom dark until it is time to wake up in the morning. If you use a nightlight, amber or golden-colored lights are the best options.
For sensitive babies, a dark room blocks out the stimuli that could rouse them. For these babies, its best that they nap in a dark environment. Don’t worry about “day and night confusion” unless they start sleeping more during the day than at night. So long as you include them activities outside of the dark room throughout the day, this won’t be a problem!
White Noise
Continuous white noise can drown out random sounds and loud noises that can wake a baby. As a bonus, when it becomes part of a baby’s sleep routine, they will begin to associate the white noise with sleep. So it helps to soothe Baby back to sleep during light wakings as well.
When Should we go into Baby Cave Mode?
I urge families enter “baby cave” mode in the hour before bedtime. Keeping the lights dim, activities calm, quiet and peaceful, and the TV (and other screens) off in the hour before bedtime will help with melatonin production (after about 7-10 weeks of age), making sleep come easier and faster. Caveat: those first 6 weeks are all about chilling on the couch watching netflix and cluster feeding until late in the night, if needed, when the baby is finally ready to be put down.
Many sensitive and/or perceptive babies need a baby cave to nap well too. You can’t teach a baby to sleep through loud noises and bright lights if their temperament isn’t programmed for that.
Tip #5 Make Quality Rest & Sleep a Family Value
When parents experience quality sleep, this promotes better sleep for everyone in the household. A well-rested parent is typically less stressed, less easily frustrated, and better able to interpret and respond to their child’s needs than a parent who is sleep-deprived.
Children begin constructing their world view from the very early days on through childhood. The parental relationships with rest and sleep will have a direct impact on the childs. So when parents carve out time for relaxation for themselves, it’s not indulgent! It’s a lifeline, it makes them less stressed, and it models for their children an invaluable life skill that both makes them feel better and improves their sleep.
Ensuring that sleep hygiene is on point for parents and caregivers will have the trickle down effect with their kiddos. When parents prioritize rest and sleep for themselves, their kids are watching and taking notes for their future selves.
Modern parents excel at providing awesome experiences and activities for the children. But where many of us fail is in providing the quality down time. The time to just be, and to relax. This down time and relaxation time is an essential ingredient of quality sleep, and it’s all too frequently overlooked by healthcare providers and other perinatal support specialists.
Want to Learn More?
Connect with Little Dipper Sleep on YouTube (not much here yet but it’s growing!), Instagram, Pinterest, and/or LinkedIn for more sleep tips, or read our Stellar Sleep Blog. Feel free to download and share our Newborn Sleep e-book for more.
Or, if you really love what you’re reading here and want to learn a lot more, we’ve got the perfect training for you. Supporting Stellar Sleep: bring the best rest to your clients by incorporating evidence-based sleep education into your practice. We’re offering two tracks: one for folks who want to broaden their understanding of sleep, how it impacts the lives of your clients and their babies, and how to best support their families in achieving their best possible rest during the postpartum period and beyond. And another track for those of you who want to offer Sleep Coaching as a separate, profit generating service.
Finally, I love collaborating with other professionals providing awesome care to new and/or expecting parents. Email liz@littledipperwellness.com if you want to chat or collaborate. Or peruse our website, littledipperwellness.com, for all of our offerings and resources.
Stellar sleep is on the horizon!
