Companioning: A Lost Art
Companioning is a stealth and necessary skill, an art form in and of itself which can take some time for new doulas to feel at ease with. Postpartum doulas often feel they should be “doing something” or “saying the right thing” or just have a general sense that they could be doing more.
Yes, there is usually much to be done in the postpartum time- change a diaper, prepare a meal, soothe the baby, tidy up the dishes, etc. And if a parent is struggling, words often will fall short. This can, at times, leave doulas feeling a bit helpless or ineffective. Or not quite knowing how to plug in and offer support in that moment. In a “doing” focused culture, simply being with someone in silence can feel counterintuitive and downright hard. This is where active companioning comes in.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines companion this way:
companion verb
companioned; companioning; companions
intransitive verb: to keep company
Companioning can also be happening in tandem with all of the tasks and conversations that doulas are having with clients at any given moment.
It is the quality of presence and the practice of reflective listening that we bring to those moments that makes being a companion an active skill. Am I just washing the dishes? No, I’m also listening and observing, which requires us to be fully present.
So, what about those times when all of the tasks are taken care of? When the baby is sleeping, and the parent is having some time to themselves to eat, rest, read, or savor some bodily autonomy? Yes, there will be a temporary lull in our doula activity and that’s ok. Because we are still companioning.
Being in someone’s home as a postpartum doula to offer support for whatever comes up, including those in-between liminal times when there’s nothing much to do, is important. Here’s why: It is vital for the postpartum parent to have companionship, for no other reason than to not feel alone. Period. Full Stop.
